Thursday, June 27, 2013

This is Something

If only I lived in a world without left handed people. If I did then everything would be allllllllllll right! Ha! Get it? “All right” as in no one would use their left han- Okay I’m done.

On the subject of the world, I’m sure you all agree that the world is a crazy place. You got people killing people at the same time as people helping people. Then there’s those volcanoes man, frackin volcanoes. Who came up with that right? They look like giant earth pimples. If I could have the super power of making hot volcanic rock shoot out of my pimples, I probably wouldn’t want it.

What did you just read? It doesn’t matter! And now for something completely different:

Is that a smile I see? :D

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Narwhals Are Real

Recently I entered a conversation in which I discussed Narwhal’s. You know, those whale things with ivory horns that maraud all about the ocean, causing a commotion… Okay If you haven’t seen this video, you haven’t been on the internet long: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykwqXuMPsoc Watch this and then continue reading. GOOD! Now that you’ve had a pretty awesome musical education, you might be wondering why I am talking about this in the first place, and so back to my conversation. The person whom I was discussing these creatures with was convinced that these creatures were mythical beast that didn’t exist in real life. I was baffled by this ignorance, after convincing him that they were real I took to the internet and found the subject highly debated. So now I take it upon myself to tell you all that the Narwhal is very real. I have for you hear an excerpt from national Geographic to explain the details:

  The narwhal is the unicorn of the sea, a pale-colored porpoise found in Arctic coastal waters and rivers. These legendary animals have two teeth. In males, the more prominent tooth grows into a sword like, spiral tusk up to 8.8 feet (2.7 meters) long. The ivory tusk tooth grows right through the narwhal's upper lip. Scientists are not certain of the tusk's purpose, but some believe it is prominent in mating rituals, perhaps used to impress females or to battle rival suitors. Females sometimes grow a small tusk of their own, but it does not become as prominent as the male's. Narwhals are related to bottlenose dolphins, belugas, harbor porpoises, and orcas. Like some other porpoises, they travel in groups and feed on fish, shrimp, squid, and other aquatic fare. They are often sighted swimming in groups of 15 to 20, but gatherings of hundreds—or even several thousand—narwhals have been reported. Sometimes these groups become trapped by shifting pack ice and fall victim to Inuit hunters, polar bears, or walruses. Inuit people hunt the narwhal for their long tusks and their skin, an important source of vitamin C in the traditional Arctic diet.

ANNNNNNNNNNNNND NOW YOU KNOW :D Now go do something useful.


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Sneaker Heads

Now I know people can get really into a lot of things, but I never knew much about this massive Sneakerhead culture that exists until today.  My roommate who is a self proclaimed Sneakerhead took me to a convention for such people today and it was pretty astonishing to see the massive amount of interest and dedication to the culture.  They did this thing called a sneaker battle where two people would pull out a fresh pair of shoes one after the other, and whichever pair the crowd cheered for the most that pairs owner would win the battle.  There were about 8 contenders and the winner won a giant obnoxious belt that said something like Sneaker champion.  The winner of the entire thing pulled out the light up shoes from Back to the Future and I must say they looked incredible.

Yes I know what you are thinking.  Joe you ignorant F*ck.  You are right. Here have some stars :D *******************************************************************************

Something Like This


Friday, June 21, 2013

The NSA Stole My Bike

Within a 30 minute gap of being away from my bike it got stolen.  I kicked myself for not getting a lock yet, then hunted ferociously around campus thinking to myself about all the terrible things I would do to the person if I found them.  I found the bike eventually with some help but not the person. Whoever it was left it on it's side in front of a building with it's back tire popped.  Happy ending I guess

Looking back on it I would probably not have "messed this person up."  By looking back I mean looking at my arms and how damn lanky they are.  I have to watch out that anger I guess.  I Was so consumed in in my rage I almost submitted to the evil  order of the Sith.  I wonder what my "Darth name" would be (like "Darth" Vader or Darth Maul if you don't get it)?

Second order of business. I call upon you  Murica!  We must stop the NSA and all there NSA..ness.  Go to this site and help be apart of the process now! https://call.stopwatching.us/ (link here)  My parents worked to damn hard for these freedoms.  Making a call isn't that hard.  I'm pretty convinced that someone from the NSA heard me on the phone saying I brought my bike that day and waited until I left to steal it.  It's a conspiracy!  

Seriously do it though.

Lastly, on a musical note, the battle between Kanye, Mac Miller, and J Cole still rages on sales wise.  GO J COLE!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Poetry and Basketball

Recently I have been listening to a lot of poetry in my car such as  T.S. Elliot, Walt Whitman, Allan Ginsberg, Sylvia Plath, and a whole lot more.  I suggest it as an alternative to listening to music all the time.  As strange as it sounds it's made me realize that i'm actually going somewhere on that trance like strip of gravel called a highway. Yup,  awareness is pretty cool...Moving on.


Basketball is my favorite sport 
I like the way they dribble up and down the court.


Well not really, but my Mom was in he WBL (old name for the WNBA) so I grew up around a lot of basketball.  I played plenty of sports as a kid, but somehow I ended up engrossed in English literature at a liberal arts school that doesn't care about sports in the slightest.  Everyone is a writer, dancer, or actor (or something affiliated with these departments) here and doesn't go to sports games.  There is just no support.  In fact I am certain only ten people from my school watched the Spurs vs Heat game tonight (let alone knew it was even on).

What I think I want to say is that there has always been a gap between the "artsy" people and the "jocks."  Our school caters to the arts.  Other schools cater to sports. That being said if you feel as though you can relate with one of these categories, don't let it decide who your friends are and who is worth your attention.  There's poetry to be found in basketball and many other sports as well.  Or at least I think so.


Monday, June 10, 2013

Track by Track Review of Born Sinner

J Cole’s new album “Born Sinner” is something I’ve been anticipating for so long now.  Finally I got some headphones around my ear to take a listen to the albums 16 tracks and I must say the album has exceeded my expectations.  After “Power Trip” released as a single I was worried that that particular song, like for many current rappers, would be the apex of the album.  It just sounded so hard to top.  16 tracks later I regret my doubts and realize that each song on the album carries a purpose and doesn’t fall into the realm of “filler.”  J Cole got got rap music right and I applaud his dedication.  I’m also grateful for the lyrical interludes and some fantastic skits.  Below is a track by track review of the album.  Order it on iTunes people!  Born Sinner June 18th

Track 1:  “Villumnati”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2rd566LRWw

Cole starts out the album with a fury.  The beat is dark, heavy, and bumping loud.  Then at around 42 seconds in you here a familiar the voice in the sample. You process the thought like: “Holy shit it’s Biggie, he sampled Biggie! Not only that, he sampled ‘JUICY (bold move Jermaine)!’”  After getting over this fact you realize that j Cole is rapping harder than the Floyd Mayweather’s Chest reinforced by a Nokia phone jacket.  Oh yeah, and he also gives his honorary “F*ck Illuminati” lines somewhere in there as well.



Track 2: “Kerney Sermon” (Skit)

Track 3:  “LAnd of Snakes” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiNIifSHpSU

OUTKAST FOREVER!  J Cole samples Outkast’s “Da Art of Storytelling Pt 1”  from there 3rd studio album Aquemini in this lyrical ride through J Cole’s life.   Only three tracks in and he’s paying tribute to so many classics!  The beat is lighter and the lyrics are more relaxed and reminiscent but still possess that heavyweight lyricism J Cole is known for. The way the beat slows down at the end is a nice touch to for the transition into the next song “Power Trip.”


Would you believe me if I said I’m in love!  Cole is fire! Miguel’s feature is fire! The beat is addicting!  If you haven’t heard this song yet you live under a rock.


Track 5: “My Money” (Interlude) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdxlvmphglY

Just flexing the lyrics and “Money” is the word. J Cole rips apart a minute using the word “money” 32 times without rhyming “money” with “money” (thank god). 


What comes after money?  PROBLEMS! And in Cole’s case we have plenty of them in track 6: “Trouble.”  Darkness approaches as J Cole raps about the troubles he experienced in his journey to the “promise land.”   The beat is accompanied by haunting choir chorus, which is personally my favorite part of the song.  At the end of the of the track only one question remains: “Mama did you F*ck J Cole?” 

Track 7: “Runaway Pride” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHA9n4Wr0Q8

J Cole gets real with his listeners about his relationships. Going out on tour and messing around with girls when he had good girl at home holding everything down.  Honesty and venting dominates the track.  The tone of the rapping is filled with the emotions of anger, regret, and wounded pride.   The best word I can put to the beat is woeful.  It’s definitely something for a rainy day.

Track 8: “She Knows” ft. Amber Coffman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBBpxI1UrMg

If sin had a sound it would be the whispering chorus of Amber Coffman on “She knows.”  Her voice and the dark drumming beat are constantly intermingling. On this track J Cole is well aware of what he has become at a certain point in his life.  His girl knows that he’s cheating and (follow me here) HE knows, SHE knows, and HE don’t give a flying f*ck.  The verse “on some DMX shit” kind of sums it all up for us.  The album is proving to be incredibly dark at this point. With 8 tracks in and only 8 to go I wonder; will Jermaine find the light? 


What is that I hear? It’s such a beautiful sound, so relaxing and soothing! How wonderful! There’s even trickling water in the backgrou-“I hate a rich Ni**gaz God Dammit…” It looks like we aren’t out of hell just yet.  That water comes from rain and that rain is making thunder on this nature filled beat.  J Cole expresses his anger over the fact that he never had money growing up,   and then transitions into lyrics about being afraid of change now that he has money.    He doesn’t want to become so immersed in his new lifestyle that he becomes numb to things he never would have dreamed of doing.  A haunting chorus by Cole asks over and over again: “how much for your soul.”

Track 10:  “Where’s Jermaine” (Skit)

Track 11: “Forbidden Fruit” Ft. Kendrick Lamar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-XsGSXUjhI
Okay I know J Cole wanted to do the album where he was the only one rapping but come on give your man Kendrick some bars!  Instead we see Kendrick doing a nice effortless hook.  Good to see the two great minds together (but come on, give Kendrick a verse). There’s some incredible lyricism on this one and the beat is surprisingly light. To top it all off that baseline is smooooooth! 

Track 12: “Chaining Day” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Khw2nQ3ds_g

On this track J. Cole tells his accountant this is the last time he’ll spend money on chains and such.  He tells his mom that this is the last time he’ll degrade himself like this by being a slave to material things. Though he recognizes his mistakes Cole admits he will probably keep doing these things.   This song premiered back in 2012 without a beat, so it’s good to see Cole got a good beat for those lyrics.  The beat is lighthearted and jumpy but transforms into a slow jam about halfway through.  Just going to hop off for a second and say that although I still enjoyed it this was my least favorite track.

Track 13: “Ain’t that Some Shit” (Interlude) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y6GVJsoIsk

Beat is quick and light making the the attack of J Coles lyrics on this interlude feel like they embodied a swarm of bees and are coming at you ear pretty aggressively. At this point you can feel the tone of the album rising from all that trouble as well.

Track 14: “ Crooked Smile” ft. TLC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an-DyD6znI0

J Cole's 2nd single "Crooked Smile Ft. TLC
 So it seems J Cole was all like “let’s take all this bad, turn it inside out and make it good!”  On “Crooked Smile” we are hit with a special type of honesty that is empowering and almost beautiful.  Along with a catchy and appropriate hook from TLC, J Cole talks about his messed up teeth and how he used think about getting them fixed, then transitions that thought into a bigger picture about or perceptions of ourselves.  Crooked Smile is the happiest track of the album in my oppinion, full of hope.

Track 15: “Let Nas Down” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLF39513uwM

A Smooth Sax accompanies my favorite track of the album (Nas sample wins).  “Let Nas Down” is a tribute to the idols of rap as well as a confession of a heavy regret.  Back when J Cole dropped “Work Out” he finally thought he had beat the radio game and got the single that the label wanted.  He did, except the song wasn't what the fans and particularly Nas had expected of him.  Nas told J Cole of his disappointment.  Fortunately for us, J Cole turned that regret around and made an incredible track 15 with it!

Track 16: “Born Sinner” ft. James Fauntleroy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAekzW-iKog


We are at the end! “I’m a Born Sinner, but I’ll die better that” sings James Fauntleroy (and later an inspirational choir, maybe the same from “Trouble”) as the album reaches its end. J Cole no doubt has come a long way from The Warm Up and Friday Night Lights.   This last track carrying the title of the album lifts Cole to the height of his achievements and sets him on a path forward, and when he starts touring again I guarantee more than just his dedicated fans now will be coming to show love and respect for this truly gifted artist.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Burnt Rice AKA Dinner


            There's really not much story here. I Burnt the rice, the fire alarm went off and my suite-mate who is an amazing cook now subconsciously considers me a fail at life for it.  I didn't take a picture of it but here's a picture of what it generally looked like:

yum.

           I understand that this is not the most interesting thing posted on the internet, but let's be honest, you'd rather read about my burnt dinner than about something important or scholarly.  If you were on Facebook or anything looking for such material I suggest a book.  

          A book! That's right i'm reading a book right now.  The entire collection of Sherlock Holmes has made a fine table ornament on my apartment table for a while and I finally opened it today.  Mr. Holmes is both strange and a genius. Each of the the stories narrated by his sidekick Watson are exceptionally thrilling.  I look forward to eventually seeing that movie now that I've gotten into the book.

         Lastly, I feel like I should talk  briefly about Bioshock Infinite.  I recently finished the game and there isn't much to say except that it's the best game I've played in years.  I actually can't think of a better game off the top of my head.  That's pretty much it.  I should think of better things to talk about when I waste your time... No I shouldn't :D I LIKE MAKING YOU EAT MY METAPHORICAL BURNT RICE!!!!!  Eat well internet.  Gonna watch Shawshank Redemption!


Friday, June 7, 2013

Running Out Of Ramen

Well since I have been underwater searching for the lost city of Atlantis for the past couple months I think it’s time I stopped hitting the surf and started surfing the internet again (haha).  By surfing I mean blogging.
I am still surrounded by hipsterz, as I am living at Purchase over the summer where I am lifeguarding, taking classes, and doing other summer things.  You know, like not having a schedule and cooking my own food.
Purchase is underwater and I’m realizing while I’m typing I may have almost tried to make another joke about water.  Bottom line: it’s rainy as hell (or the opposite of hell) here.

My attentions on this poppin’ Friday night now look towards the future like a bald eagles head facing sideways, so forward in-fact that I have contemplated the possibility of running out or Ramen.  To express these feelings I have written a poem expressing my deepest thoughts upon the matter.  Enjoy!

Running out of Ramen
By Me

I am running out of ramen
When it is all gone I will say: “awww man”
Goodnight and hello again cruel world