Off The Chain

 

My girlfriend has successfully settled into her apartment in NY City.  It’s crazy!  She’s in the upper west side and is near so many stores and eateries that it’s off the chain!  Because you know, she doesn’t have to eat at restaurant “chains” because of all the local…Anyway I’m really happy for her and I’m excited that I can just stay over whenever in such a cultural epicenter. 

I swear we ate the best Pizza in the world when I came over last weekend.  It was at this place called “2 Boots.” They had a giant mural of John and Yoko on the wall as well as types of Pizza named after famous TV show characters.  My favorite was “the Newman slice” (Seinfeld for the win).  Anyway this is my Monday.  Here’s some Kendrick and AB soul.  Think Deep internet.

Elderly Ladies and Bradley Cooper

The year is 2013. We find our hero Joseph Chiavaro attempting to make it home from a long weekend of fun. As he steps on the one train to 242 in the Bronx he suddenly realizes that he is in a car filled entirely with elderly woman. His politeness activated. Before he realizes it he finds himself in a conversation with several of them about Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook. For he had seen it that very weekend and thought it was "tha bomb." Without warning, a woman with a cane and the weirdest teeth you could ever see overheard us and said. "Bradly Cooper? That is one hot fella." Everyone around her agrees. Then proceeds to talk about what he looks like with his shirt off. Our hero panics. Being surrounded by the raging hormones of elderly ladies is too much for him to handle. He gets off two stops early just before they transition into talking about how slutty Jennifer Lawrence’s outfits were and walks the rest of the way to his car in utter disbelief. It seems being surrounded by hipsterz wasn't that bad after all.   The End

Also, This is awesome.

Common Courtesy

Common courtesy is awesome.  It is because of common courtesy that people hold the door for others, say "bless you", and make sure the toilet seat is left up (or down).  That being said, I think it is time for common courtesy to evolve in order to meet the needs of our times so that we can be even more awesome to our fellow man.  

 I propose it to be a courtesy that when posting content on Facebook, it should not consist of vague slander of someone that only you know.  Posts such as:  “You F*** ing slut nobody likes you,” “I’m so done with your S***,” and (yes, even) “If you have something bad to say why are you so scared to say it to my face you B****!  These may seem like childish posts but trust me, they are from adults.

I also propose it to be common courtesy to never leave terrible reality TV shows constantly on in your house.  If you’re watching it, enjoy your poison, but don’t give those people ratings by leaving you TV on such a trashy channel.

My last proposal for common courtesy is simple.  Just start recycling.  Find a way or make a way.   I’m not a zealot for environmentalists but it will make the biggest difference of these three.

Also if you still don't hold the door for people.  Burn in hell.

Robinson Crusoe Review

After reading Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe, I can’t stop thinking about the current and its flow.  It sometimes left him in agony and woe; yet other times led him where he needed to go. 

 

The current I’m talking of is life’s stream of events, but life’s dealings to Crusoe just didn’t make sense.  So to escape from life being brutally intense, he took dads advice and lived comfortably within a fence.

 

But when he stepped from his safety the winds threw him about, from Brazil, to the island where cannibals ate out.  Behind every new corner he was hit with a clout, from the stream of life that forced him down a new route.

 

So what I gather is that in life there are two things you can do.  Stay on shore or go to sea and find something new.  In my personal opinion there is no shame in either two.  Just know the risks and own whatever scars you receive until your journey is through.

The Great Mold Battle

Moving back into the hipster infested compound that is Purchase College, I thought it would be a normal and comfortable migration...  Then I opened the fridge.   Instead of finding a nice clean white interior I was struck by the sight of the most disgusting mold I have ever seen,  I almost vomited.  Soon this mold and I were locked in mortal combat.  My spray with Windex attack was super effective and did a tremendous amount of damage, but the mold quickly fired back with exploding fungus.  I blocked it with my paper towel defense and smothered it. The wet mold quickly broke through the first barrier so I used the whole role as my final ultimate attack.  The mold had been beaten.  I put some gloves on and whipped the remains up and threw it in the trash.  Today was a great victory.  Let us never forget 1/22/13.  It must be remembered as the day of the great mold battle.  Have a good dinner internet.